Mediator: Dangerous Heart
by Larkamarie
Summary: It's been four years since Susannah and Jesse married. He is now a beloved doctor and top surgeon for cardio. Susannah learns she is pregnant and is beyond excited to tell Jesse but it all falls away when she catches him with another woman. He insists on a break and leaves Suze beyond heartbroken not even knowing she is pregnant, or that her life is in peril by past ghosts.
1. Chapter 1: Betrayed Heart

It all started in the bathroom on a Monday morning. I woke up and ran to the toilet. I had just made it before my stomach spewed its guts up. It went on for nearly twenty minutes before I was able to pull myself away.

I called into work a few moments later as I sat upon the giant king sized bed I shared with my husband and former ghost and told them I had the flu. I work at the high school I used to attend during my years as a teenager. I got hired four years ago as a guidance counselor. The job was everything I had hoped for, loved helping troubled teens that had traumatic pasts or depression. Not to mention helping them map their way through high school so they could get into the colleges that would launch them into their career fields they dreamed of.

So a few things about me. I can see, hear, speak, and touch ghosts or NCDP's as I liked to call them. I have been able to see them since I was an infant. I am a Mediator, a person who helps those with unfinished business to find out what it is and get them onto their next life whether it be heaven, hell, or whatever. My name is Susannah De Silvia, formerly known as Simon, though I prefer to be called Suze by everyone aside from my husband and my mother.

Yes, my husband was once a ghost and had spent one hundred and fifty years as one. We met when I was sixteen and had moved to Carmel California after my mother had remarried. We moved across the country from New York to California where her new husband at the time and his three sons were settled. Since I was the only child of my mother's and Andy had a business out there we moved there.

I will never forget the first time I had met Jesse De Silvia, my husband and current doctor. My mother and stepfather were showing me my new room when I looked over at the loveseat he had made for me and saw him.

 _My mother went away, and I shut the door quietly behind her. I waited until I couldn't hear her heels on the stairs anymore, and then I turned around._

" _All right," I said to him on the window seat. "Who the hell are you?"_

 _To say the guy looked_ surprised _to be addressed in this manner would have been a massive understatement. He didn't just look surprised. He actually looked over his shoulder, to see if it was really him I was talking to._

 _But of course, the only thing behind him was the window, and through it, that incredible view of Carmel Bay. So then he turned back to look at me, and must have seen that my gaze was fastened directly on his face, since he breathed, "Nombre de Dios," in a manner that would have had Gina, who has a thing for Latino guys, swooning._

" _It's no use calling on your higher power," I informed him, as I swung the pink tassled chair to my new dressing table around, and straddled it. "In case you haven't noticed, He isn't paying a whole lot of attention to you. Otherwise, He wouldn't have left you here to fester—" I took in his outfit, which looked a lot like something they'd have worn on_ The Wild, Wild West. _"What is it, a hundred and fifty years? Has it really been that long since you croaked?"_

 _He stared at me with eyes that were as black and liquid as ink. "What is… croaked?" he asked in a voice that sounded rusty from misuse._

 _I rolled my eyes. "Kicked the bucket," I translated. "Checked out. Popped off. Bit the dust." When I saw his perplexed expression that he still didn't understand, I said, with some exasperation, "_ Died."

" _Oh," he said. "Died." But instead of answering my question, he shook his head. "I don't understand," he said, in tones of wonder. "I don't understand how it is that you can see me. All these years, no one has ever—"_

" _Yeah," I said, cutting him off. I hear this kind of thing a lot, you understand. "Well, listen, the times, you know, they are a-changin'. So what's your glitch."_

 _He blinked at me with those big dark eyes. His eyelashes were longer than mine. It isn't often I run into a ghost who also happens to be a hottie, but this guy… boy, he must have been something back when he was alive because here he was dead and I was already trying to get a peak at what was going on beneath the white shirt he was wearing very open at the throat, exposing quite a bit of his chest, and some of his stomach too. Do ghosts have six-packs? This was not something I had ever had occasion—or a desire—to explore before._

 _Not that I was about to let myself get distracted by that now. I'm a professional, after all._

" _Glitch?" he echoed. Even his voice was liquid, his English as flat and unaccented as I fancied my own was, slight Brooklyn blurring of my t's aside. He clearly had some Spaniard in him, as his_ Dios _and his coloring indicated, but he was as American as I was—or as American as someone who was born before California became a state_ could _be._

" _Yeah." I cleared my throat. He had turned a little and put a boot up onto the pale blue cushion that covered the window seat, and I had seen definitive proof that yes, ghosts could indeed have six-packs. His abdominal muscles were deeply ridged, and covered with a light dusting of silky black hair._

 _I swallowed. Hard._

" _Glitch," I said. "Problem. Why are you still here?" He looked at me, his expression blank, but interested. I elaborated. "Why haven't you gone to the other side?"_

 _He shook his head. Have I mentioned that his hair was short and dark and sort of crisp-looking, like if you touched it, it would be really, really thick? "I don't know what you mean?"_

 _I was sort of getting warm, but I had already taken off my leather jacket, so I didn't know what to do about it. I couldn't very well take off everything else with him sitting there watching me. This realization might have contributed to my suddenly very foul mood._

" _What do you mean, you don't know what I mean?" I snapped, pushing some hair away from my eyes. "You're_ dead _. You don't belong here. You're supposed to be off doing whatever it is that happens to people after they're dead. Rejoicing in heaven, or burning in hell, or being reincarnated, or ascending to another plane of consciousness, or whatever. You're not supposed to be just… well, just_ hanging around."

 _He looked at me thoughtfully, balancing his elbow on his uplifted knee, his arm sort of dangling. "What if I happen to like just_ hanging around?" _he wanted to know._

 _I wasn't sure, but I had a feeling he was making fun of me. And I don't like being made fun of. I really don't. People back in Brooklyn used to do it all the time—well, until I learned how effectively a fist connecting with their nose could shut them up._

 _I wasn't ready to hit this guy—not yet. But I was close. I mean, I'd just traveled a gazillion miles for what seemed like days in order to live with a bunch of stupid boys; I still had to unpack; I had already practically made my mother cry; and then I find a ghost in my bedroom. Can you really blame me for being… well, short with him?_

" _Look," I said, standing up fast, and swinging my leg around the back of the chair. You can do all the hanging around you want,_ amigo _. Slack away. I don't really care. But you can't do it here."_

" _Jesse," he said, not moving._

" _What?"_

" _You called me_ amigo. _I thought you might like to know I have a name. It's Jesse."_

 _I nodded. "Right. That figures. Well, fine. Jesse, then. You can't stay here, Jesse."_

" _And you?" Jesse was smiling at me now. He had a nice face. A good face. The kind of face that, back in my old high school, would've gotten him elected prom king in no time flat. The kind of face Gina would have cut out of a magazine and taped to her bedroom wall._

 _Not that he was pretty. Not at all. Dangerous was how he looked. Mighty dangerous._

" _And me what?" I knew I was being rude. I didn't care._

" _What is your name?"_

 _I glared at him. "Look. Just tell me what you want, and get out. I'm hot, and I want to change clothes. I don't have time for—"_

 _He interrupted, as amiably as if he hadn't hear me talking at all, "That woman—your mother—called you Susie." His black eyes were bright on me. "Short for Susan?"_

" _Susannah," I said, correcting him automatically. "As in, 'Don't you cry for me."_

 _He smiled. "I know the song."_

" _Yeah. It was probably in the top forty the year you were born, huh?"_

 _He just kept on smiling. "So this is your room now, is it, Susannah?"_

" _Yeah," I said. "Yeah, this is my room. So you're going to have to clear out."_

"I'm _going to have to clear out?" He raised one black eyebrow. "This has been my home for a century and a half. Why do_ I _have to leave it?"_

" _Because." I was getting really mad. Mostly because I was so hot, and I wanted to open the window, but the windows were behind him, and I didn't want to get that close to him. "This is_ my _room. I'm not sharing it with some dead cowboy."_

 _That got him. He slammed his foot back down on the floor—hard—and stood up. I instantly wished I hadn't said anything. He was tall, way taller than me, and in my ankle boots I'm five eight._

" _I am_ not _a cowboy," he informed me angrily. He added something in Spanish in an undertone, but since I gad always taken French, I had no idea what he was saying. At the same time, the antique mirror hanging over my new dressing table started to wobble dangerously on the hook that held it to the wall. This was not due, I knew, to a California earthquake, but to the agitation of the ghost in front of me, whose psychic abilities were obviously of a kinetic bent._

 _That's the thing about ghosts. They're so touchy! The slightest thing can set them off._

" _Whoa," I said, holding up both my hands, palms outward. "Down boy, down."_

" _My family," Jesse raged, wagging a finger in my face, "worked like slaves to make something of themselves in this country, but never, never as a vaquero—"_

" _Hey, I said. And that's when I made my big mistake. I reached out, not liking the finger he was jabbing at me, and grabbed it, hard, yanking on his hand and pulling him towards me so I could be sure he heard me as I hissed, "Stop with the mirror already. And stop shoving your finger in my face. Do it again, and I will break it."_

 _I flung his hand away, and saw, with satisfaction, that the mirror had stopped shaking. But then I happened to glance at his face._

 _Ghosts don't have blood. How can they? They aren't alive. But I swear, at that moment, all the color drained from Jesse's face, as if every ounce of blood that had been there had evaporated just at that moment._

 _Not being alive, and not possessing blood, it follows that ghosts aren't made of matter, either. So it didn't make sense that I have been able to grab his finger. My hand should've passed right through him. Right?_

 _Wrong. That's how it works for most people. But not for people like me. Not for the mediators. We can see ghosts, we can talk to ghosts, and, if necessary, we can kick a ghost's butt._

 _Jesse, looked down at his finger as if I'd burned a hole through it, seemed perfectly incapable of saying anything. It was probably the first time he'd been able to by touched by anyone in a century and a half. That kind of thing can blow a guy's mind. Especially a dead guy._

 _I took advantage of his astonishment, and said, in my sternest, most no-nonsense tone. "Now, look, Jesse. This is my room, understand? You can't stay here. You've either got to let me help you get to where you're supposed to go, or you're going to have to find some other house to haunt. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is."_

 _Jesse looked up from his finger, his expression still one of utter disbelief. "Who_ are _you?" he asked softly. "What kind of… girl are you?"_

 _He hesitated so long before he said the word_ girl _that it was clear he wasn't at all certain it was appropriate in my case. This kind of bugged me. I mean, I may not have been the most popular girl in school, but no one ever denied I was an actual girl. Truck drivers honk at me at crosswalks now and then, and not because they want me to get out of the way. Construction workers sometimes holler rude things at me, especially when I wear my leather miniskirt. I am not unattractive or mannish in any way. Sure, I'd threatened to break his finger off, but that didn't mean I wasn't a_ girl, _for god's sake!_

And that's how our relationship began. Me not happy to have a roommate of the male and ghostly variety, and he confounded by me and my being able to see, speak, and touch him.

We went through quite a lot with him as a ghost and me being alive. I fell for him hard, tried desperately to hide it, what with him being dead and all, and trying to keep him at a distance. It wasn't until my stepfather started digging in the backyard one summer, wanting to add a hot tub and a deck that Jesse's past came up, with the discovery of his skeleton, and the ghosts trying to kill us, mainly me. He had gotten exorcised at the influence of his ex-fiancé and her husband that murdered him by a young mediator who was just starting to learn how to use his gift.

I, desperate to save him, exorcised myself with the help of my principle and fellow mediator Father Dominic. He helped me bring back Jesse and send his murderers to where they would never hurt us again. It was then that our feelings were revealed to one another. It would take a little bit longer but eventually we succumbed to our feelings. This resulted in me going back in time to kill him, but couldn't and somehow ended up bringing back his body to the present. This in turn allowed Jesse to live a new life, one he was currently living with me as a well respected husband and doctor.

As I thought about all of our past, I smiled tenderly. But then I noticed something strange. I was holding my stomach protectively like I had something to protect. Which was silly since I wasn't pregnant. I gasped. Or was I?

Eyes wide, I was up and changing into a new set of clothes, out the door in a matter of minutes. I peeled out of the driveway and sped down until I could get to the closest Walmart. There were plenty of those nowadays and even in Caramel, California they were all huge. A relief since I really didn't want anybody to recognize me at the moment. I pulled up my hood of my sweatshirt and walked in with purpose until I got to the feminine products isle where the pregnancy tests were located.

Panicking at the many varieties, wondering which one to choose I stood there for about twenty minutes before settling on two of the highest reviewed brands. I quickly made my purchase and hightailed it to my apartment where I used to live before marrying Jesse. I don't know why I initially kept it but it had become a nice source of income when I rented it out. I owned it thanks to the little sum of money my father had left me. It was in between residents at the moment, which is why I decided to take the tests there. I didn't want Jesse to walk in on me while doing this. He has been acting strange around me lately. He is never home and when he is he is extremely distant.

I opened the first brand and peed on the stick. I had been purposefully drinking a few bottles of water so that I would have to use the bathroom when I got here. After peeing on it I set it on the counter, washed my hands, and then waited the last four minutes for it to be ready. I picked it up off the counter and stared at it in shock.

Two lines. Pregnant.

My heart thundered in my ears and banged against my chest. I knew some tests weren't accurate and so I again drank several bottles of water and a few hours later I took the second test, a different brand.

Pregnant.

To say I was shocked was an understatement but still a part of me didn't fully believe and so I left the apartment with test one resting safely in my purse and drove to the nearest pregnancy clinic. I waited for an hour and a half with a room full of mostly expectant mothers and some who were like me waiting to confirm if we were in fact pregnant.

"Simon, Susannah!" The nurse called. I don't know why I used my maiden name but I did.

I rose from my seat in the corner and walked into the back where all the rooms to see patients were. She led me to room number four and chatted at me, asking routine questions before telling me the doctor would be in shortly and leaving me alone to my thoughts.

A knock sounded five minutes later and in came a brown-haired woman with piercing blue eyes. "Hi, Susannah. I'm Dr. Robbins. How do you do?" She greeted as she held out her hand. I shook it for a second before she went on. "Says here that you took a home pregnancy test and came out positive. Are you here to confirm you're pregnant?"

I nodded my head, my throat dry and not able to bring myself to say yes. I don't know why but I think I was still in disbelief.

"Alright then. Would you like to do a blood test or another urine test to confirm this?" She asked.

"Which one is the most accurate?" I asked.

"The blood test one is but it takes several hours to a few days to get the results back." She explained. "Do you have to use the bathroom now?"

"I do and will go for the urine test." Dr. Robbins smiled and handed me a cup to pee in. "After that we will do a sonogram to double confirm and see if everything is fine and for you to see what will become your baby."

I nodded and quickly left the room to go do my business two doors down where the bathroom was located. I returned promptly and she inserted one stick into the cup. While we were waiting she had me remove my pants and panties and lay down on the chair-like bed, putting my feet in the stirrups. As she was setting up the test in my urine was done half of the stick now blue. She smiled at me. "Seems you are indeed pregnant. Lets see how far you're along." She put a condom on the wand looking object and then squirted some lube upon it. Once ready she prepped me on what she was doing and then gently inserted the wand into my vaginal opening pushing ever so slightly until she was where she needed to be.

Looking at the screen. All I can see is the visual equivalent of white noise— although it's more sepia in color. Slowly, Dr. Robbins moves the probe about, a very odd sensation.

"There," she murmurs. She presses a button, freezing the picture on the screen, and points to a tiny bean shape in the sepia storm. It's so tiny, a little blip in my belly. _Wow._ I forget about my anxiety as I stare dumbfounded at it. "It's too early to see the heartbeat, but yes you are definitely pregnant. Four or five weeks, I would say."

I am too much in awe to say anything. The little bean is a baby. A real honest to goodness baby. Jesse's baby. My baby.

"Would you like me to print a picture out for you?"

"I nod, still unable to speak and tears of joy began to pool in my eyes. Dr. Robbins presses another button, then gently removes the wand and hands me a paper towel to clean myself. "Congratulations, Miss Simon. We will need to make another appointment in about four weeks time. Then we can ascertain the exact age of your baby and set a likely due date. Go ahead and get redressed and meet out there to get your prescription for prenatal vitamins."

"Um… okay. Also my last name isn't completely accurate. It's De Silvia." I told her.

"Are you Jesse De Silvia's wife?" I nodded.

"Didn't want him to find out?"

"Not yet. I want to surprise him which is why I gave my maiden name."

"Of course." She smiled. "When you do see him tell him I say hello. We sometimes work together at the hospital when I have little infants he has to operate on with me."

"Oh." I laughed nervously. "Thanks. Please keep this a secret. I want to tell him and don't really want everyone he works with to know yet."

"I agree. You don't have to worry about me. I am your doctor and I take my oath of doctor patient confidentiality seriously." She nodded and then handed me the prescription.

I left the pregnancy center and drove to the nearest pharmacy and filled my prescription. After that, I went back to my apartment and just sat on the ugly couch and processed everything. I was going to be a mother and Jesse a father. I couldn't wait to tell him. I would tell him tonight at dinner.

With that in mind I left the apartment and drove home. I prepared his favorite and set the test on his plate, cap closed of course. I also placed the sonogram by his wine cup and then waited in the living room for him to come home. He should be due in twenty minutes.

I had changed into my favorite dress, a blue low-cut cocktail dress that always had his eyes darkening with lust. I made hair look amazing throwing it mostly to one side of my head with waves. My hair was just past my boobs something Jesse seemed to like. I also wore my favorite rose scented perfume and the matching earrings and necklace that went perfectly with my sapphire marriage rings. My heals matched with the whole ensemble.

As I was waiting I got a text from him and it was odd.

From: Sexy Husband

Can't come home tonight. I have a sick co-worker getting surgery. Will see you tomorrow, Suze.

Odd, he never stayed when co-workers were sick before. Must be bad, I thought. Wanting to offer support to my husband and his sick colleague I turned off the stove pulled out the steak and then left the house in what I was wearing.

It was a half hour drive to the hospital from our house but always worth it. I was just walking in to the hospital when I saw Jesse not dressed in any of his hospital attire, instead in a fancy suit. But that wasn't my issue. My issue was with the blonde-haired model type woman holding his hand, the hand that wasn't wearing his wedding ring like it was supposed to.

My heart was thundering in my chest but then came to a complete stop as, to my horror, I saw him cup her chin in his hand and place a hot kiss on her lips. Everything in me shattered in a single moment. How could he? I thought he loved me?

He saw me a second later and jolted. His face showed annoyance than anger followed by an expression of oops! I've been caught. This ignited my anger, pushing my devastated heart to the back.

"What the fuck is this?" I yelled. Everyone of his fellow doctors, the nurses, and even some of the patients turned to stare at us.

"Susannah, not here." He growled out before he turned to his bimbo. Yes, to me that is what she is. A slutty bimbo that ruined everything. "I am going to have to cancel tonight. I will talk to you tomorrow."

Disgusted, I scoffed, shook my head, and walked out of the hospital. I didn't want to be near him. I, not even thinking of myself and the now forgotten child in my womb, ran to my car and screeched the car in reverse not even listening to him yelling for me to be careful as I quickly changed gears and screeched myself out of the parking lot, driving recklessly in the BMW I got for my birthday a year ago from my stepbrother Jake. I sped recklessly up the mountain highways to our house. How I got there in one piece, I'll never know but thirty minutes later I was home.

Jesse arrived as I was unlocking the door. "Susannah, what the hell do you think you are doing? You could've gotten yourself killed!" He roared.

"What do you care?" I spouted back as I walked into the living room. "You're clearly not happy with me anyway."

"I'm sorry. But you weren't supposed to be there. Why did you come to the hospital in the first place?" He demanded.

"I was worried! I wanted to be there to support my husband and his friend and colleague. I thought it was a life and death surgery since you've never stayed before!" I screamed at him. "Why? What did I do?"

"Nothing. It just happened. I was planning to tell you. I want to take a break." He said. "I want to see other people for a little while. I have only ever been with you since coming back to life and found myself intrigued by her. She is an intelligent woman and I found myself attracted to her and I tried to resist but then we kissed and I couldn't undo it."

"Take a break." My anger crumbled around me, bringing up how much he just hurt me. First with seeing my knight in shining armor, the man I had risked her life for many times, who said he loved me as fiercely as I loved him, a love that would last forever, kissing another woman and now saying he wanted a break. As if a break was all he needed. "How long?" I asked not even sure why I was asking. Clearly it wouldn't just be a break. This was how divorces started, not to mention me catching him with another woman. How would I ever come back from seeing that, ever trusting him again? What kind of father would he be? Father! Fuck! The pregnancy test and photo were sitting on the plate in the dining room.

"I don't know, Susannah. Just give me time. I will move out in the meantime, go live with Jake for a while. I don't think we should be near each other at all." He said but I barely heard it. Everything in me was numb at the realization that I was most likely gong to be a single mother.

A sob shuddered up my chest and gasped out of me. His expression changed to one of horror and regret for hurting me. He reached out to comfort me but he was the cause and I stepped away.

"Just go." I said, pointing to the front door.

"Susannah, please don't look like that."

"Like what? Heartbroken, betrayed, devastated?" He blanched at those words and then unable to stand it, went up to the bedroom to gather some of his things. He came down a few moments later and was out the door, not even seeing the setup of what should've been a lovely, joyful dinner. All of it ruined.

I sank to the floor and gave in to my heartache, crying out all of the pain this one man, the man I loved, love with everything in me shattered me to pieces.


	2. Chapter 2: Perils of Being a Mediator

I don't know when I fell asleep, but I woke up to the sun shining down on my face. I was still laying on the floor in the living room. I sat up but that wasn't a good plan since my stomach decided to roll, making me run for the bathroom.

I puked again most likely from morning sickness but I wasn't sure to be honest. I was still upset about last night. I sat there my back to the tub, my breath smelling horrible, my heartbroken, and a tiny bean protected in my womb.

I rested my hand on my belly, a light caress. I was already protective of it and beyond afraid of the future. But I pushed that fear down, never one to show my weakness and somehow pulled myself together. I showered, dressed in work attire, and then called out of work once again. I had things to do and needed time to fully get my composure back.

I decided not to stay in the house either but unfortunately I had to take Spike with me since Jesse left him. So I packed up a couple suitcases, put spike in his cat carrier, packed his food, and litter box (we use disposable ones), and left my childhood and current house that served as the place where I met Jesse. I didn't have my rat anymore, him having passed away in February.

A sob escaped me but luckily nobody was out to see me there, everyone at work or still sleeping. With a deep breath I stopped myself from having another crying fest and pulled out of the driveway, leaving what used to be a happy home behind.

I arrived at my apartment; now thankful I had kept it. I dragged everything out of the car and into what was my home for now. I let Spike out immediately and set his food down in the kitchen, his litter box in the bathroom before unpacking everything else.

I wondered if I should take Spike to Jake's and hand him over knowing Jake would make sure Jesse knew I had brought him without breaking his needing space proclamation. Man, was this going to be awkward. Jesse and I needed to talk about when he needed to not be home so that when my stepbrother and best friend Gina invited me over I could go without encountering him.

I decided I would just give an excuse every time though and put it out of my mind. As I was finishing my unpacking my phone rang. It was Jake. I didn't want to answer but I did.

"Hello." I greeted sullenly, knowing Jake was going to ask about Jesse moving back in.

"Suze, what's going on? Why is Jesse moving back in? Not that I don't mind having him here but he should be at home with you." Jake didn't even say hello back. Jake was an interesting stepbrother, one I used to call Sleepy during when we were teenagers on the account that he was always sleeping. I always thought he had a drug problem to which my mother refused completely. But she really couldn't dispute that now, none of us really knowing if he was doing drugs or not, since he owns his own legit marijuana growing business complete with security and a boatload of guns in his home. He was exceedingly successful and his house showed it.

"Did Jesse tell you anything?" I asked.

"No."

Sighing, I lightly explained about our fight and him wanting a break out of the blue, not telling him about the blonde bimbo I caught him with. That was for Jesse to tell. I don't even know what Jake's response would be.

"Well that sucks, Suze. I hope you guys work it out. I thought you two were the kind of love that was forever." He said.

"Me too." I agreed sadly. "Well, I have to get back to work. I will talk to you some other time." I lied and hung up. I wasn't at work of course. I was going into hiding or that's what it felt like. I didn't want to talk to anyone right now, especially Jake, Gina, CeeCee, David, or my mother. Who I wanted to talk to had passed away a year and a half ago, Father Dominic. He had passed away peacefully in his sleep and leaving me on my own. Before he had crossed over he came to me that night and said goodbye. Jesse had been at work and had missed it. I had never told him about it, it being too personal.

 _Susannah, I am so proud of the woman you have become. You are like my own daughter and I am glad to have been able to help you." Father Dom had said after I had woken up enough to be coherent. I had tears in my, I remembered. "Know that there will be some more tough times ahead. But don't fear too much for it will all turn out in the end."_

 _And with that he had faded out until he was completely gone from my life._

"Oh, Father Dom, what do I do now?" I wondered aloud, the misery clear in my ears. I needed to get out.

I picked up my purse and keys and left the apartment. I was on the road a few moments later with the music, heavy rock blasting, as I drove to who knew where. I didn't care so long as I was not there. I found myself at the beach several hours later. It was a more private one, the one in which CeeCee, Adam, and I had often gone when we wanted to watch the sunset. I did so now, placing a beach blanket on the sandy beach, the one I always kept in my car for such spontaneous visiting. I looked out and watched the beauty before me. Waves light matching the cool breeze, water sparkling, and the sun big and orange slowly going down. Though it was a beautiful setting, one I often enjoyed I felt indifferent to it at the moment since my emotions were all over the place. I was sad, angry, hurt, and even part of me was excited. I was excited for the life growing within me but it was diminished by not having Jesse share in my joy.

I needed to tell him but if he wanted space how was I going to do so? A break he said. How long would that last? And when he was done with said break, would I even want him back? I loved him something fierce, I could still feel that deep within me, that absolute certainty about him being the only man for me. But how would I be able to trust him now? He had betrayed me and treated me like the men of this age often did to women.

I sat there thinking about all of this for a while, finally deciding on telling him of the pregnancy but still going to give him his space. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and clicked his name in my contacts, calling him. It rang once, twice, and two more times before his answering machine picked up.

"This is Dr. De Silvia, I can't come to the phone right now. Please leave your name and number and I will call you back." His message said before giving me the beep to speak.

"Hey Jesse, It's Suze. I know you need space and this break. A break that probably is going to be a divorce but not what I'm wanting to say. Anyways, before I give it to you we need to meet up. I have something to tell you, something I had planned to tell you last night—" BEEEP. The machine cut me off and I was so nervous I didn't call back instead texting him.

To: Jesse

From: Suze

We need to meet up.

I need to tell you something.

Suze

After typing the message I realize I'm shaking and I'm not sure if it's because it is now night and chilly or because of the anxiety and despair at seeing him again to tell him. All that hurt will come up, I won't be able to help it. I am a hormonal mess right now and all of this hitting me at once is affecting my stress levels.

I rise from my beach blanket, collect it, and head back to my car. Again I am back to driving, this time to a restaurant. The smells are mouthwatering and I grimace at myself for not having eaten on day. Some mother I am, I thought, can't even take care of myself on day one of actually knowing there's a being growing inside me. Depressed but still starving, I pulled into the parking lot. It's busy, it being a Friday night. I go in to the establishment and up to the bar to place my order, wanting it to go. The man nods and walks away saying it would be ready in about fifteen to twenty minutes.

Sighing, I sit upon the barstool and wait. I look around the room, observing the crowd. Couples enjoying a date together, families their with kids celebrating a birthday or anniversary.

"Would you like a drink, pretty lady?" The bar tender asks scaring me a moment. I turn to him and see him smiling. He likes what he sees of me. I, with my long brown highlighted with blonde hair and good figure. I am quite attractive, good-sized breasts, a grip able bottom, and a pleasing face.

"Just a water thanks. I'm don't drink." I said.

"Recovering alcoholic?" He asked.

"No. Just don't care to anymore." He nodded his head, noticing how I wasn't really interested in flirting with him. He brought me my water, which I sipped as I continued looking around the room.

The waiter brought my food out several minutes later. Grabbing it, I made my way to the door and to my horror bumped right into Jesse and his whore. Our gaze met each other's and I gulped a moment as my heart clenched in pain at seeing, not only him, but her as well.

Taking a deep breath, I looked down, squaring my shoulders; a move Jesse recognized from my many times of ghost fighting. Except normally I keep my eyes on the ghost.

When I was ready, I looked back up at him. "Check your messages if you haven't already, call me. Have a good evening." I said and then pushed past him slightly since he didn't move. Hey, I was being polite but he was also blocking the doorway. I may have not even spared blonde bimbo a glance but that was more for her safety than from me being slightly rude. If I had looked at her, I am pretty sure I would pommel her quite a bit and that wasn't good for me. Or Jesse.

I walked out and headed to my car, not even looking back. I was barely holding it together. I wanted to cry, rage, crumble to the ground, slap him, and kill her. Me being a passionate woman already was hard enough but add in the extra hormones from being pregnant and I was all over the place.

"Susannah." I heard his silky lightly deep voice call from behind. I took a deep breath, trying to reign in my emotions, and then turned toward him after placing my food in my car. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Not here Jesse. Not with her here. It has to be us alone. It can be in a public setting but just us." I told him as I lowered myself into my car.

"That's not gonna happen right now, Suze. I told you I need my space. Please respect that." Jesse said, his eyes trying to figure out from my expression and body language.

I was sealed up tight, pushing everything behind a cold mask the moment he spoke the 'it's not happening' part. A calm washed over me in fact as a decision that I hadn't wanted to make settled into me crystal clear. "Fine," I said with finality. "But since you didn't meet, don't get mad at me in the future. Know that I tried to tell you and from this point on you have no say, especially if we divorce."

With that I slammed my car door shut and getting a small sliver of grim satisfaction at the confusion and shock on his face for the cold way I just treated him. I hadn't been that cold since our first year of me moving to Carmel, California. I switched my car on and backed out slowly, this time fully aware that I needed to protect myself and in do so protect my baby. I gave him one last glare since he maneuvered himself on the side of my vehicle again, attempting to open the door to demand I tell him what I was talking about, but I glared at him. A glare that had him stopping instantly. Another look he recognized, this one being that I would come out and show him the side of me I only reserved for violent ghosts who attacked me.

I drove off then and made my way home. I wasn't really hungry anymore but still brought the food in and ate it knowing I had a little bean that needed nutrients so it could grow into a healthy fetus.

With a start, I remembered I never cleaned up dinner at the house last night, which meant my sonogram and test were still on the table. Once again, I grabbed my keys and purse making my way to my car. Driving up the mountain I made my way to the house. It took about forty minutes driving safely but still fast since there was no traffic.

Once in the house I cleaned up the wasted, and now horrible smelling dinner from the night before. I picked up the plates, rewashed them, and loaded them into the dishwasher. Once that was taken care of I took out the kitchen trash before coming back inside. I stared at the test and the sonogram, wondering what to do with them. Decided eventually on keeping the picture but made my way to our bedroom and threw the test on the bed, or tried to. It slid off on his side, hitting the ground. I didn't care and just left it there.

Sighing, I looked around our room remembering how it used to be decorated when I first came to live here. Not me at all. My mother had gone for an all princess styled theme. The only things I had liked was my bed, the loveseat with ocean window view, and my private bathroom. Now it was decorated to match both of our personalities and it showed. There were pictures of us all over from our honeymoon and wedding. I looked at them sadly and cried a little for the love that was now lost.

I hated myself for crying and being sad like this but I couldn't seem to help it. I was also angry that I couldn't just reign it in and keep it buried like I used to. I used to be able to channel it into anger and though I still could, it had to be in the moment when confronting Jesse like I had earlier. But with my new hormones I just couldn't.

After I got my tears back under control I left our room and made my way downstairs. I wiped my eyes with the palm of my hand and grabbed my purse preparing to leave to go to my apartment.

"Hello Susannah." My blood drained from my body and fear encased me as a voice deep and husky, with an accent from a long time ago said from the living room. I turned and to my utter horror stood Felix Diego and his bitch wife, Maria De Silvia. These were the very same people who had, in fact, murdered Jesse one hundred and sixty years ago or so. Ten years ago these two had nearly murdered me when my stepfather and my stepbrother Andy and Brad had been working in the backyard to put in a hot tub. This had brought them out of their graves and peaceful afterlife and wreaked havoc in Jesse's life and mine. We had found Jesse's remains, which they hadn't wanted, not wanting to be remembered as the backstabbing murderers they were.

At the time I had been working at a hotel for the summer watching one of the rich couples youngest son who happened to be a Mediator like myself. This got Maria to get Jesse exercised and caused me to go and save him, exercising myself to do it. Hey, I was in love with him and couldn't bare to lose him. He hadn't wanted to crossover any more than I did. This is also how I met Paul Slater, the older brother to the kid I had been watching all summer. Paul is and always has been a guy who tried to do anything to get what he wanted, including me. He lost though.

But he wasn't why I was afraid right now; no I was afraid because of these two standing in my living room in ghost form. I know for a fact I had exercised them from the same ritual Father Dom had performed on me so I could go get Jesse back. So how they got back was not a good thing.

"How?" I squeaked.

"Oh we made a deal with some people and they gave us a way out. Now tell me where Hector is so that we may kill you both quickly." Felix's eyes gleamed with malicious intent. He was only too happy to kill us. Only problem was Jesse wasn't here.

"He doesn't live here anymore. We broke up." I kind of lied in a strangely calm voice. It was a huge accomplishment since I was beyond frightened for my life. "I don't know where he is. Haven't seen him in a two months." I was trying to buy myself time. I had to get to Jakes and talk to Jesse now.

"I highly doubt that. You two were so in love with each other you couldn't even see it." Maria laughed, her voice husky but also slightly high pitched. "Not going to ask you again, whore! Where is he?"

I, not wanting to stay there another minute, ran for the front door with, thankfully, my keys and purse already in hand. But suddenly the home phone cord roped around my neck and choked off my air supply, dragging me across the room. I dropped my keys and purse, my fingers going instinctively to the cord to try to give myself air to stay alive. I knocked over the lamp on the side table as I was dragged backwards until I was flipped onto the ground. The cord was still choking off my air supply but now a pair of ghostly hands encasing my ankles was also dragging me.

I looked behind me and saw I was being dragged towards the backyard. I knew what that meant. They were going to kill me and bury me in the same grave we found Jesse's skeleton and nobody would know. I choked trying to screech and let one of my hands leave my throat, my fingers clawing at the wooden floor nails scraping across it until they were ripped off my fingers, making me bleed all over it as I still tried to break free of the supernatural hold that was upon me.

They laughed cruelly behind me, clearly enjoying my pain and suffering, and whatever high they got from murdering people. They were the complete psycho killers we all fear about. CeeCee had actually uncovered other murders of theirs over the years after they had killed Jesse. Anyone who got in the cruel couple's way was snuffed out of existence. This is what I feared now since nobody was here to help me and I was defenseless with my feet still tied up to where I couldn't kick out at them. Not to mention I was still fighting for air supply. A bit hard to kick at someone dragging me when I was also suffocating from the cord wrapped around my throat.

Oh, don't get me wrong… I still wiggled and scraped at the floor trying to get away or get some sort of leverage to defend myself but there was none. There was two of them and only one of me. I was beginning to lose consciousness and my will to fight. I had hoped Jesse would have felt something through our Mediator bond but if he did he ignored it. All I could think of was how my mother would cry and wonder what happened. How I would never meet my unborn child, how I would probably come back as a ghost. I wondered if Jesse would even look for me. I, of course doubted it, since he cheated on me and basically left me. I would forever love him but I wouldn't haunt him when I came back, and I know I would, come back as a ghost, I mean. My reason for being here would be because of never even getting to enjoy being pregnant and experiencing motherhood, or the joy of seeing him or her with my family. Of seeing him or her running into Jesse's arms. Of him rubbing my belly to feel it kicking. Of any of that.

Then I realized he wouldn't even do that anyhow since we weren't even together now. With that all my hope of staying alive left and I accepted my fate. Perhaps I was meant to bring back Jesse and take his place as my price.

In the next moment I was free, bewildered because suddenly my father was they're hitting them. His rage was evident as he smashed Felix's face several times before the two Diego's disappeared.

"Dad?" I said, my voice hoarse and raw from being choked.

"Go. You need to get out of here before they return. You need help with sending them back where they belong. Find Jesse, he will help you. You know he will. Don't doubt his love for you. He may be a little lost at the moment in what he wants but give him time." My dad said pulling me to my feet. "Now run. I can hold them off for a little while so you can get to safety but don't dally too long."

I didn't need to hear him telling me twice. I rushed to the front door picking up the purse and keys I had dropped and rushing to my car. I was still bleeding and my right fingers hurt badly. I knew I had some splinters wedged into what was left of my nail beds. Only a couple survived, how I didn't know but I knew I needed a doctor. Knowing immediately where to go I drove recklessly to Jake's. I pushed my button for the gate and it opened immediately. I didn't even slow down as I drove through. I screeched to a stop and was out of the car a moment later with Jake already opening the front door with a gun, thinking it was someone trying to steal from him. Upon seeing me he pointed the gun away and then slowly made his way to me. I looked at him in such relief for a moment before my vision wavered and I began to fall. I heard him curse and him rushing towards me but blacked out before I knew if he caught me.

"I don't know, Jesse. She drove in to the compound like the devil was hunting her. Her throat is severely bruised, like someone was choking her with a cord, her nails on her right hand are all but gone with massive bleeding and wicked splinters in them. She collapsed, dude." I awoke and heard Jake's voice speaking frantically to, I assume was my husband. I didn't hear Jesse though, which meant he was talking to him on the phone. I opened my eyes and squinted at the bright light of the dining room. I was laying on top the massive table with a pillow under my head. My head was pounding, along with my fingers from the splinters.

I did an internal check, assessing where I was hurt. This was something I did often since a lot of NCDP's took it upon themselves to fight me, drown me, choke me, or drop buildings on me. Neither of those are fun let me tell you. I wasn't hurt anywhere else other than my throat, my ankles, my fingertips, and my head. I don't even remember hitting my head during my struggle with Felix and Maria but I must have when I was thrown to the ground when the decided to drag me by my ankles. I most likely had a concussion, which meant a long night for me.

"You'll be here soon. Good. Oh, I think she's awake." Jake said, relief obvious in his tone. "See you when you get here. Bye."

I rose slowly not wanting to hurt myself. I looked down at my fingers and grimaced. They were still bleeding and already turning a deep purple. The sight of them made me queasy and since I was, in fact, pregnant the smell also reached me and next thing I know I was leaning over the side of the table and hurling my dinner onto the floor. I felt a pair of hands pull my hair back and rub my back soothingly.

Once I finished, I rose and gave Jake, who was the one holding my hair back, an apologetic look. "I'm sorry about your floor." I said roughly.

"Don't worry about it. You should lay back down on the table, Suze. Until Jesse gets here and can look at you." He said trying to coax me back onto the table.

"I'd rather be in a bed, Jake. This table is not comfortable. Besides, all he has to do is take out the splinters and bandage my fingers." I said.

"And determine if you have a concussion." He said.

"No point. I know I have one. Now will you please help me to somewhere more comfortable?" I ordered. Knowing he wasn't going to get anywhere, Jake sighed and then helped me to stand and kept his arm around me since I was dizzy from the concussion. He guided me to my room for when I stayed over with Gina for our girl nights that included Gina, CeeCee, and I.

"What happened?" He asked once I was safely in the room and laying down in the much more comfortable bed.

"I don't really remember. I was hit in the back of the head. Next thing I know there is a cord around my neck choking me. Hands held my feet to where I couldn't kick out and they dragged my across the floor. I clawed the floor trying to get away. That's all I remember." I lied. I knew what happened and though I told some of the truth I kept the other part out. He didn't know about ghosts. Only David, Gina, CeeCee, and Jesse knew.

"Jake!" I heard Jesse call out. His voice sounded worried.

"In here." He called back. I shut down at this point. I didn't really want to see Jesse but knew it was inevitable. He may want space from me but he was still a doctor and genuinely did want to help anyone who was injured or sick.

A moment later he entered my room and I glanced at him but kept my eyes from meeting his. I didn't need to see his beautiful chocolate brown eyes that always seemed to pull me in further. I didn't want to cry on top of everything else. Jake didn't know what Jesse had done to me, how I had caught him. How heartbroken I was over it and him leaving me.

So I just glanced and then turned my head away to look at the wallpaper on the opposite side of the room. Jake filled him in on where my injuries were and soon enough I felt his warm and firm hands on my hair pushing the strands out of the way so he could look at my neck.

"Susannah, does it hurt to talk?" Jesse asked as he felt my neck. I grimaced in pain, the bruising already in affect. I nodded my head, not bothering to speak. Yes, of course it hurt. Your ex-fiancé and her maniacal husband that seemed intent on making sure I'm dead and you along with me weren't choking you to death.

But I didn't say that. I thought it but didn't say it. Truth is if he had been in tune with me, he would have felt a disturbance with his ghostly powers he gained from when he came back to life. I had a feeling he ignored it thinking I was just trying to get him to talk to me.

Next he uncovered the blanket and gasped at how bad my fingers were. They were way worse than my feet were when I had to walk home from Paul's once in high school and had already had blisters from new shoes. Add in hot cement and well my feet had been a ghastly sight but my fingers were way worse. I bet they looked like I had the plague. The smell of the blood wafted up to me again and my stomach churned.

"Jake, I need a bucket." I croaked out as nausea began to overtake me. Fuck! Not again! Wrong time to be having morning sickness. I didn't want Jesse to know yet. Not like this.

Jake rushed around the room and emptied a vase full of flowers and water onto the floor. Better water than puke that might stain another rug. He thrusted it under my chin just as I keeled over, unable to hold it back anymore. I spewed into the vice with Jesse pulling my hair back, momentarily leaving my fingers alone. I hurled four times, upchucking what was left of my dinner and emptying my stomach of anything else. Once done I collapsed back into the bed, eyes closed to keep the room from spinning.

I knew part of it was from morning sickness but it was also from my concussion. My throwing up signified just how hard I hit my head and that I would need round the clock care for the next few days to make sure I didn't choke on my vomit or not wake up. Only problem was I didn't have a few days if the two murderous ghosts had anything to say. Which meant calling in CeeCee's Aunt Pru to have this house blessed secretly along with my apartment. Then there was the school, the house, and the hospital. Maybe my whole family from David to my mother and Andy. All of this was going through my mind as I recovered from throwing up.

I felt a hand on my cheek and I jumped slightly sort of forgetting anyone was there. I opened my eyes alarmed but then calmed as I realized it was Jesse touching me. My betrayed heart clenched and pounded at the same time. Once from pain and the other because well it always sped up when he caressed my face. He attempted to pull it to get me to look at him but I pulled away. I still couldn't look at him, even more so now as tears gathered in my eyes. He didn't need to see that and so I pulled my head away to again look at the wall opposite side of him.

Sighing, he once again gently picked up my hand and examined the extent of my injury. "I'm going to have to pull out the splinters. I don't think the pain meds will take affect quickly enough before I pull them so I have to do it without." He said.

Great.

Jesse prepared the bedside table with the tweezers he needed. I don't know how many since I was too busy preparing myself for the inevitable pain I was about to endure. I refused to scream or cry and braced myself.

I felt him with the tweezers a second later I bit down on my lip, resisting the urge to cry out. I succeeded by mumbled out my pain unable to stop that. It would've been scream but held my lips shut.

"Let it out Susannah. It's okay to scream." Jesse tried to coax out of me. I shook my head vehemently and glared slightly in his direction.

The splinters took about and hour and a half since he had to do both hands. At some point I passed out from the pain.

All I know was now I was being awoken back up. "Susannah." I heard his chocolate smooth voice call to me. "Susannah, wake up. You have to wake up."

I opened my eyes and grumbled. "I'm awake."

He was sitting beside the bed. I still didn't meet his eyes keeping them on his hospital doctor coat, which he hadn't had time to change out of. MY hands were now properly bandaged, no splinters or blood in sight other than what had seeped through and remained on the bed. These sheets were ruined. Gina was going to kill me.

"You don't have to watch over me Jesse. I have Jake or can call CeeCee or David." I said.

"But they aren't doctors, Suze. I will be here until you are free of your concussion. You are restricted to only clear foods, nothing with substance until I know you will keep it down." Jesse informed her, making me look up into his face for the first time since he entered the room. The blood drained from my face as dread filled me. I wouldn't stop throwing up.

Fuck! How was I going to get out of this one?

"Susannah?" Jesse brought me back to the present. "Are you okay? Do you need to throw up again?"

"No."

"Then why are you suddenly so pale?" He asked with his eyebrow raised. I quivered at seeing it, missing it. It was a look I loved because there was a slight scar above his eyebrow that was more noticeable when he raised it. It always turned my stomach to jelly and made my knees weak. Even now when my heart lurched inside me.

"Because if you hadn't guessed, I have a concussion along with my nails ripped to shreds." I snapped. "I've had a rather trying two days and will have who knows how many more in the next several weeks. I'm tired and so very heartbroken thanks to you, you cheating bastard! I will follow your care instructions, Dr. De Silvia but please just leave me alone! You've already given me enough heartbreak to last me a lifetime. Not to mention it's your fault I ended up like this!"

"How is this my fault?" He asked dumbfounded.

"Had you not have been selfish and cheated on me. Had you talked to me about this instead of making worry over it and catching you, you would've been in tune to me as you say you are. You would've felt my fear, my fight for life! I nearly died! I thought I could at least count on you for that but I was wrong! I have completely lost every bit of faith and trust in you! You and your blonde bimbo ruined everything! Now leave me alone! Get out!" I screamed. Jake came running in with a sledgehammer looking for whomever was attacking me, not really hearing our conversation since it looked like he had been asleep. Had I not been in pain, afraid for my life and the life I hoped was still growing inside me, I would've found this rather comical. But I didn't and I also caught when Jesse had flinched as I spewed out the fact I didn't trust him. "Jake. I think I should have _my_ actual doctor called and have her come stay with me the remainder of this damned concussion. Jesse wants his space to fuck whomever then he will get it. I'm done. I've had enough. You stay to your side of the compound and I will stay on mine until I can go home."

"I can go stay at the house." Jesse offered. As he said that memories of everything I just went through flashed through my mind and I began shaking. My chest heaved with the panic that accompanied the fear.

Subconsciously my bandaged hands made their way up to my throat and I clawed at my throat as I felt that cord choking me again. Normally I wasn't scared of violent ghosts but these two wouldn't stop and I didn't feel safe. I had never felt more alone than in that moment.

"Susannah… Susannah…" He called but I didn't hear. I was too much into my traumatic memories. "Susannah… Querida… Querida. Come back to me, Querida."

His hands on my arms and then on my cheek are what pulled me out of them. Not to mention hearing his Spanish endearment he used to like to call me. I blinked and look up into his worried eyes and part of me wanted to burst out crying and have him enclose me in his arms in comfort, to feel safe as he always used to make me feel, but now I didn't know how to feel. I loved him so much but I didn't trust him anymore. I wasn't lying when I said that.

"Querida. Susannah, are you alright?" He asked sincerely. I pulled myself back and out of his arms.

"I'm fine. I've just had a very eventful day." I said, closing myself off from him. His face frowned and I saw hurt in his eyes. I was building my walls back up, protecting myself from him. The walls I essentially had in place when we first met, the ones that kept boundaries. The kind that said I had only me to look out for me and that I wasn't counting on him anymore. My life and that of my unborn child had been in jeopardy. I had been counting on him feeling my fear, my pain as he always did but he had shut that off to ignore me in favor of his new model fresh blonde coworker.

"You should stay here Jesse. I don't want you in _my_ house having _her_ there." I said, part of it true. I didn't want him there because then I would think about him tainting our marriage bed with that woman. It would be something that would always bother me. But that wasn't the main reason to keep him away from the house. I didn't want him to get killed by _them_. I may not trust him or particularly like him at the moment but I still loved him deeply. I wanted to protect him. Which meant figuring out a way to get rid of Diego's myself like I used to do before moving here.

With a stubborn and determined look on my face I continued. "I will give you the space you want, Jesse. Thank you for the medical care you provided tonight, but I am firing you as my doctor. I already have one and would prefer her since she knows my history more so than you at the current moment." I told him.

"But Susannah… I still care about you. You know you can come to me about anything. I will be there for you if you need me despite my need for distance in our relationship." He tried to tell me but I wasn't listening. He had already not been there when I needed him.

"No Dr. De Silvia, I can't count on that. The only person I can count on in this world especially with who I am and my role in it is me. I have known it all along and have learned my lesson in the hardest way." I said and turned my head away, not looking at him, dismissing him.

I don't know how long he stood there or why but he eventually left with barely a sound. I could only here the sound of his doctor coat as it swished against his scrubs. As soon as he was out of earshot my walls crumbled and I broke down into a sobbing mess, one that had Jake rushing to the bed and pulling me into his arms. I held on for dear life as all the fear, pain, trauma, hurt, heartbreak, and whatever else I was feeling came out. My hormones were all over the place and I couldn't reign them in.

I don't know how long I cried but eventually I stopped and just felt numb. Once I was calm enough I pulled away.

"I am going to tell you something that you can't tell Jesse. I tried to tell him but he wouldn't meet me half way. If you caught the gist of our argument then you know he cheated on me, I caught him, and this is the result. But before I found out about his cheating I found out I'm pregnant. I had it all planned with telling him but never got the chance." I explained. My brother's eyes widened at this overload of information. "I need my doctor here to check to see if I lost m-my child from all this. I don't want Jesse to know right now. I don't want him to know unless I am unable to make medical decisions because I am unconscious or in a coma."

"But Suze, he's the father. He has a right to know." Jake stressed to me.

"I know but I can't involve him right now. I don't want him to return to me out of necessity. I am giving him his space, which will most likely end in our divorce since I don't know if I'll ever trust him again." I told him. "Right now I need to take care of myself and put him out of my mind so that I can protect my child if he or she is still growing inside me. Once he has had his space I will tell him and we will figure it out."

Jake didn't quite agree with me but he also saw what I was trying to do. I was doing the best I could under the circumstances and that I was focusing on myself as a future mother protecting the life growing within me so that should Jesse decide to give me the time of day there would be a child to talk about instead of a miscarriage brought about the stress he unknowingly caused me. He would never forgive himself about that, knowing Jesse as I did.

"Alright. I will keep it to myself unless I fear your life is in peril and you need him." Jake agreed.

"Agreed." Little did he know that my life was already in peril.


End file.
